Two days ago, perhaps three, I was accosted by a grape at the grocery store. One minute I was gliding into the grocery and the next I was BOOM, down on the floor.
Once I got used to my new vantage point of the produce department, I saw the remains of a grape smeared on the floor. I won’t even DESCRIBE the carnage on the bottom of my shoe. I’d been accosted by a grape, I’m sure it was an attack.
Mind you, I know it’s possible that it was an innocent grape…I had considered possible explanations for the grape being on the floor. Was this a simple case of a grape vine not doing it’s job,loosening it’s grip on the grape and causing it to fly desperately into space? With no arms, the grape would have had no choice but to stay on the floor after it landed.
But is that what REALLY happened? I’m not convinced, I was picking up a hostile vibe from the grape juice. In the absence of a reliable grape witness who can vouch for the motivation of the suspect grape, I feel it’s my civic duty to warn others.
BEWARE OF GRAPES! There is a possibility that rogue grapes are lying in wait, primed to sacrifice their lives in an effort to make other grapes laugh at the humans slipping and falling.
Now this is an example of monkey gone wild. Such behavior!! When I saw this I was personally offended…and then I got to thinking..
As far as the assault taking place in this image…I want to know where the monkey police were when this crime took place…
Were they out having a banana break? Were they out taking pony rides? Were they throwing unmentionable monkey debris at the tourists that were visiting the zoo?
Whatever the reason, I feel that the offending monkey police officers should have their badges taken away from them and they should be made to work the stroller rental booth.
As far as the obviously overly aggressive monkey…well!…That monkey needs to wear a little sign for one week that says, “I am a naughty monkey…do not blow me kisses or call me ‘cutie’ or tickle my chin. I am on monkey probation and these things are forbidden.”
As far as the “victim monkey”…I think that this little monkey should get a free manicure and pedicure. I think that the monkey should get to ride on the carousel horses as many times as it wants. I think that it should get to play with the penguins and hang out in the bat cave with the bats. I think it should be able to press its face up against the glass in the lion viewing area and even lick the glass if it wants to. I think it should get a free t-shirt that says, “I am a good little monkey…you may blow me kisses, have your picture taken with me and you can buy me ice cream…you may even peel me a grape.”
I’m not sure that all of the above would fit on a t-shirt, but I think the monkey deserves a t-shirt to wear when he’s with the other mean monkey later on……even if it just says, “I’m with stupid” on it.