SQUIGGY REPORTING…

2067   3Squirrel

 

SQUIGGY HERE, REPORTING FOR  “SQRL TV”..

TODAY’S WEATHER…WE’VE GOT SOME  WHITE FLUFFY STUFF FALLING DOWN OUT OF THE SKY AGAIN, JUST LIKE LAST YEAR…AND THE YEAR BEFORE THAT AND THE YEAR BEFORE THAT.

THERE IS SOME SPECULATION BY OUR SQUIRREL SCIENTISTS THAT THERE MIGHT BE A CONNECTION BETWEEN THE LEAVES ALL JUMPING TO THEIR DEATHS  ABOUT THE SAME TIME  EVERY YEAR AND THE UNPREDICTABLE ARRIVAL OF THIS WHITE STUFF FROM THE SKY. THEY ARE SPECULATING THAT THE LEAVES JUST LIKE DRAMA AND TEND TO OVERREACT TO THE FLUFF.

HERE’S THE TRAFFIC UPDATE IF YOU’RE INTERESTED…OUR REGULAR TRAFFIC REPORTER, “ZIPPY WRONGWAY”, WON’T BE REPORTING TODAY. HE TOOK A WRONG TURN ON INTERSTATE PEANUT BUTTER AND GOT STUCK IN A JAM SANDWICH, SO AVOID THAT GOOEY MESS IF YOU CAN.

ON THE ECONOMIC FRONT, THE ACORN FELL SIXTY POINTS SO IF YOU OWN ANY STOCK OF THIS SORT I’D ADVISE YOU TO SQUIRREL IT AWAY FOR AWHILE…YOU’D BE NUTS TO SELL NOW.

THE CRIME RATE FELL THIS WEEK, POPULAR OPINION CREDITS THIS TO THE CAPTURE AND ARREST OF “TOM” THE CAT. HE CONTINUES TO CLAIM THAT ALL OF THE EVIDENCE AGAINST HIM IS PURELY CIRCUMSTANTIAL.

PRINTS OF TOM’S FANGS AND CLAWS HAVE BEEN TAKEN AND THE CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATORS FEEL THAT THE LAB RESULTS WILL BE A MATCH TO THE WOUNDS INFLICTED ON PATRICE THE MOURNING DOVE. WE REACHED OUT TO PATRICK, PATRICE’S LIFELONG COMPANION FOR HIS THOUGHTS BUT WERE ADVISED THAT HE WOULD HAVE NO COMMENT…HE’S IN MOURNING.

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT…ALL THE NEWS THAT IS THE NEWS…UNTIL WE HAVE MORE NEWS.

I WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE LACK OF VIDEO ON OUR TV BROADCAST TODAY….BUT WE’RE SQUIRRELS AND WE DON’T HAVE TV CAMERAS . ZANNYRO (a.k.a, Suzanne) IS WORKING ON THAT.

 

 

 

 

FLYING PEANUTS!!!

Flying peanuts (1 of 1)

 

 

I CAN’T IMAGINE HOW I WOULD FEEL IF MY FOOD STARTED FLYING AWAY!  DO YOU SEE THE PEANUTS JUST TO THE RIGHT OF MR. SQUIRREL?  THEY’RE ACTUALLY RISING UP INTO THE AIR!!!  LOOK AT HIM TRYING TO HOLD THE OTHER ONES DOWN!!  I’M JUST A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT HIM…IF ALL OF THOSE  START RISING UP, HE’S GOING TO GET CARRIED AWAY ON A FLYING CARPET OF PEANUTS!!

FROM HIS POINT OF VIEW, IT MIGHT BE A PRETTY COOL THING…HE WOULD GO DOWN IN HISTORY…HE WOULD BE MYTHICAL…HE COULD PROBABLY GET HIS OWN REALITY TV SHOW… BUT THEN, HIS MARRIAGE WOULD PROBABLY FALL APART AND HIS CHILDREN WOULD SPEND ALL OF THEIR TIME HANGING WITH THE WRONG CROWD AT CLUBS.   

RUN AWAY FROM THE PEANUTS LITTLE MAN!!  RUN AWAY!!  IT’S NOT WORTH IT!!!

 

 

DON’T HATE US BECAUSE WE’RE BEAUTIFUL!

DSC_2177  Standing Mama Raccoon

 

“DON’T MESS WITH MY KIDS….I’LL COME RIGHT OVER THERE AND PULL YOUR NOSE….I KNOW THEY’RE CUTE AND YES, THEY ARE HONOR STUDENTS IN KINDERGARTEN AND YES, I DO HAVE A STICKER ON MY BEHIND THAT SAYS, “MY KIDS FANGS ARE SHARPER THAN YOURS”, BUT DON’T JUDGE ME. NOW GO AWAY AND LEAVE US ALONE SO THAT WE CAN GET READY FOR ‘WORK’.

WE HAVE TO START TAPING OUR REALITY TV SHOW IN ABOUT AN HOUR AND THEY NEED TO FINISH EATING SO THAT THEY HAVE THE STRENGTH TO FIGHT AND SNARL AT EACH OTHER AND WALK AROUND PRETTY MUCH NAKED…YOU KNOW, LIKE THOSE OTHER PEOPLE ON THE SHOWS….HOW ELSE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO MAKE A LIVING?? WHAT’S THAT YOU SAY?, WHEN WE ACT LIKE THAT WE’RE NO BETTER THAN ANIMALS?  WELL NOW THERE’S A THOUGHT…..