We were eating at a restaurant that was right next to the waters of the Gulf of Mexico in Florida a few years back. They had not yet perfected the system for checking in with a hostess, and we ended up with a group of three people hovering next to our table while we finished our meal!
My husband, normally a very courteous sort, finally was pushed to his limits. He pushed back his chair, asked the woman standing at his elbow if she’d like to finish his coffee, and we left the vultures to pick at our leftovers. (I’m sure they didn’t actually do that, but I thought it gave this story a dramatic finish.The rest of the story is 100% true.)
HI! I’M REPORTING FROM HIGH ATOP THE CLIMBING STICK IN DOWNTOWN SQUIRREL-OPOLIS.
WE HATE TO INTERRUPT YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING, BUT WE NEEDED TO REPORT AN URGENT SITUATION…WE HAVE WHAT APPEARS TO BE A RATHER LARGE CHIPMUNK BLOCKING THE MAIN ENTRANCE TO PEANUT LAND. ALL REPORTS INDICATE THAT HE’S ARMED AND DANGEROUS AND EXTREMELY HUNGRY.
LOCAL AUTHORITIES URGE EVERY AVAILABLE SQUIRREL, SQUIRRELETTE AND PEOPLE WHO JUST FEEL SQUIRRELY ,TO IMMEDIATELY GATHER AT THE ENTRANCE OF PEANUT LAND. EVERYONE SHOULD LINK THEIR ARMS TOGETHER AND WHEN THE SIGNAL IS GIVEN, RACE TOWARD THE UNHINGED CHIPMUNK AND SHOVE THE CHIPMUNK ASIDE…OR TOSS IT HIGH INTO THE AIR AND THEN BOUNCE IT AROUND LIKE A BALLOON FROM MAMMAL TO MAMMAL EACH TIME IT TRIES TO LAND ON THE GROUND.
THIS CONCLUDES OUR EMERGENCY ANNOUNCEMENT…SO GET YOUR REAR END OUT OF YOUR CHAIR AND RUN TO PEANUT LAND!!!!!