THE SQUIGGY REPORT…LIVE’ISH FROM SQRL…THE IMAGINATION STATION.

squiggy the reporter with lots of snow

 

THIS IS AN APPROXIMATELY UP-TO-DATE REPORT FROM ME, SQUIGGY…YOUR SOURCE FOR ALL THE NEWS THAT IS THE NEWS AND LOTS OF STUFF THAT ISN’T NEWS.

FRESH OUT OF THE MOUTH OF A RELIABLE SOURCE…(WELL ACTUALLY I HEARD IT YESTERDAY…FROM A FRIEND OF A FRIEND OF A FRIEND)..IS THIS SHOCKING NEWS…

A LARGE QUANTITY OF PEANUTS DISAPPEARED FROM THE POPULAR, BUT HIGHLY OVER-RATED FEEDING STATION, “ZANNYRO’S DINE AND DASH.”

WITNESSES REPORT SEEING A STEADY STREAM OF TUFTED TITMICE, (YES..THAT IS A TYPE OF REAL BIRD), RAIDING THE PEANUT SUPPLY HOUSE.  OUR WITNESSES SAW THE GANG OF TITMICE FLY TO THE WOODS AND THEN, AND I QUOTE, “THEY WERE GONE.”

THIS KIND OF MADNESS MUST BE STOPPED. SEVERAL BLUE JAYS WERE REPORTED TO HAVE GONE TO BED HUNGRY THAT NIGHT AND ONE WOODPECKER HAD TO RESORT TO LOOKING FOR INSECTS TO EAT IN THE TREE BARK… WHERE IT NORMALLY WOULD.

I WOULD REPORT ON THE WEATHER, BUT AS YOU CAN SEE BY LOOKING AT ME…IT’S BEEN SNOWING…SO WHY STATE THE OBVIOUS.

IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS, THAT MASTER OF TAP DANCE, PEACHES THE PINE SQUIRREL, WILL BE PERFORMING AT ZANNYRO’S DINE AND DASH…WE JUST DON’T KNOW WHEN…SO MAKE YOUR RESERVATIONS EARLY!

TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR MORE BREAKING NEWS…THERE MAY BE SOME,BUT YOU NEVER KNOW.

 

SQUIGGY REPORTING…

2067   3Squirrel

 

SQUIGGY HERE, REPORTING FOR  “SQRL TV”..

TODAY’S WEATHER…WE’VE GOT SOME  WHITE FLUFFY STUFF FALLING DOWN OUT OF THE SKY AGAIN, JUST LIKE LAST YEAR…AND THE YEAR BEFORE THAT AND THE YEAR BEFORE THAT.

THERE IS SOME SPECULATION BY OUR SQUIRREL SCIENTISTS THAT THERE MIGHT BE A CONNECTION BETWEEN THE LEAVES ALL JUMPING TO THEIR DEATHS  ABOUT THE SAME TIME  EVERY YEAR AND THE UNPREDICTABLE ARRIVAL OF THIS WHITE STUFF FROM THE SKY. THEY ARE SPECULATING THAT THE LEAVES JUST LIKE DRAMA AND TEND TO OVERREACT TO THE FLUFF.

HERE’S THE TRAFFIC UPDATE IF YOU’RE INTERESTED…OUR REGULAR TRAFFIC REPORTER, “ZIPPY WRONGWAY”, WON’T BE REPORTING TODAY. HE TOOK A WRONG TURN ON INTERSTATE PEANUT BUTTER AND GOT STUCK IN A JAM SANDWICH, SO AVOID THAT GOOEY MESS IF YOU CAN.

ON THE ECONOMIC FRONT, THE ACORN FELL SIXTY POINTS SO IF YOU OWN ANY STOCK OF THIS SORT I’D ADVISE YOU TO SQUIRREL IT AWAY FOR AWHILE…YOU’D BE NUTS TO SELL NOW.

THE CRIME RATE FELL THIS WEEK, POPULAR OPINION CREDITS THIS TO THE CAPTURE AND ARREST OF “TOM” THE CAT. HE CONTINUES TO CLAIM THAT ALL OF THE EVIDENCE AGAINST HIM IS PURELY CIRCUMSTANTIAL.

PRINTS OF TOM’S FANGS AND CLAWS HAVE BEEN TAKEN AND THE CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATORS FEEL THAT THE LAB RESULTS WILL BE A MATCH TO THE WOUNDS INFLICTED ON PATRICE THE MOURNING DOVE. WE REACHED OUT TO PATRICK, PATRICE’S LIFELONG COMPANION FOR HIS THOUGHTS BUT WERE ADVISED THAT HE WOULD HAVE NO COMMENT…HE’S IN MOURNING.

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT…ALL THE NEWS THAT IS THE NEWS…UNTIL WE HAVE MORE NEWS.

I WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE LACK OF VIDEO ON OUR TV BROADCAST TODAY….BUT WE’RE SQUIRRELS AND WE DON’T HAVE TV CAMERAS . ZANNYRO (a.k.a, Suzanne) IS WORKING ON THAT.