Cheez and Krackers

7758 Cheez and Crackers in Camo_2 2wms

I looked out back yesterday and I saw these two characters sitting in the sun so I went down to investigate.

I asked them why they were wearing camouflage outfits and they told me they had heard it was hunting season.

I explained that, at this time, it’s illegal to hunt cows and monkeys. 

They didn’t believe me and told me that I was going to attract hunters, big game hunters and asked me to leave. 

I’m extremely offended right now and am going on a diet.


Don’t look at me like that.

Mr. Beautiful red (39 of 1)

Isn’t this an intense look? Male cardinals have an image problem…in my professional opinion. 

I think a simple change by Mother Nature could solve the whole issue. I’d suggest that the less dark feathers to the side of the eye, (see arrow), add to the impression of a stern demeanor.

Eyes and Arrow

An easy fix would be to add some interesting eyelashes and replace the black feathers under the beak with red feathers.

eyelash cardinal

I’m aware that this is a radical proposal…but I think many cardinals would like to soften their, “look”.

The wrath of grapes.


Grapes are NOT our friends!

The wrath of the grapes

Two days ago, perhaps three, I was accosted by a grape at the grocery store. One minute I was gliding into the grocery and the next I was BOOM, down on the floor.

Once I got used to my new vantage point of the produce department, I saw the remains of a grape smeared on the floor. I won’t even DESCRIBE the carnage on the bottom of my shoe. I’d been accosted by a grape, I’m sure it was an attack.

Mind you, I know it’s possible that it was an innocent grape…I had considered  possible explanations for the grape being on the floor. Was this a simple case of a grape vine not doing it’s job,loosening it’s grip on the grape and causing it to fly desperately into space? With no arms, the grape would have had no choice but to stay on the floor after it landed.

But is that what REALLY happened? I’m not convinced, I was picking up a hostile vibe from the grape juice. In the absence of a reliable grape witness who can vouch for the motivation of the suspect grape, I feel it’s my civic duty to warn others.

BEWARE OF GRAPES! There is a possibility that rogue grapes are lying in wait, primed to sacrifice their lives in an effort to make other grapes laugh at the humans slipping and falling. 

Grapes are devious. You’ve been warned.



All Points Bulletin!

Be on the lookout for baseball players missing their shadows!

At the old ball game

These shadows have been spotted acting erratically. The public should not be terribly alarmed unless one of these shadows attempts to attach itself to them.


If approached by a shadow, say “how you doing Bob?”, but don’t make eye contact, which might prove to be difficult in any case.


Somebody lost their shadow

Please report all sightings to the nearest baseball team and ask if they’re missing any shadows. Then ask if there’s a reward.