‘So she said, “I’m sick and tired of you coming home at all hours, reeking of expensive birdseed with your feathers all ruffled!”‘
‘And then HE said, “I’m not entitled to a little treat for myself once in a while? It’s not my fault that you only want to go to the cheap bird feeders. I get TIRED of eating bread crumbs!”‘
‘And then SHE said, “Two can play this game, Mr. Fancy-Pants Suet eater! I’M GOING TO START LIVING IT UP! I’M GOING TO HANG OUT AT THAT NEW POLE FEEDER, THE ONE WOODROW INVITED ME TO!”‘
‘And then HE said, “WOODROW!! WOODROW!! That flashy, good for nothing WOODPECKER?!?! YOU WOULDN’T DARE!”‘
‘And then SHE said, “Just watch me! I’m going to go preen my feathers, and strut my stuff! We’ll just see who deserves a treat. You’ve criticized my way of life one too many times. You’re going to find out how good you’ve had it, but it will be TOO late! I’ll be gone and YOU’LL BE SORRY!”‘
‘And then HE said, “I’M ALREADY SORRY! I’M SORRY YOU DON’T APPRECIATE ME! I’M SORRY YOUR MOTHER DOESN’T LIKE ME! I’M SORRY THE KIDS GREW UP AND LEFT THE NEST! I…AM…SORRY!!!”‘
‘And then that was it! She flew off and he pulled a piece of suet out from under his wing where he’d been hiding it and ate it, end of story.
Anyway, I don’t like to gossip, so don’t tweet about this, okay?’