NINJA SQUIRRELS…..ARE THEY BACK??
THINGS HAVE SEEMED TO BE QUIET AND PEACEFUL OUTSIDE MY WINDOW INTO THE WOODS…BUT YESTERDAY….I BEGAN TO WONDER…
Now for my more recent followers…I tend to veer off track…photographs of the beauty outside the window one day….a little silliness the next day…so hang in there, I never stay in one mood for very long..if you love the nature shots, they’re sure to be back in no time…but, once in a while, I just have to go “silly”. For this short post..I’m going silly.
I SENSED A LITTLE TENSION IN THE AIR….WHAT WAS UP?
HELLO…..I’M JUST STANDING HERE LOOKING INNOCENT…..
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MY SENSE OF UNEASE GREW AND GREW AND THEN I SAW IT……..A NINJA SQUIRREL SPY….SPYING ON ME !!!!!!
YES..YES…I SEE HER IN THERE….SHE’S EATING PEANUTS AND SUNFLOWER SEEDS…SHE SEEMS TOTALLY OBLIVIOUS……YES, YES…I KNOW….SHE USUALLY IS…
I THINK I’M IN TROUBLE….
A MINI-NINJA SQUIRREL??
COULD IT BE ?????
THERE HAS BEEN A POSSIBLE SIGHTING OF A MINI-NINA SQUIRREL!!
This creature is as fast as lightning….highly sensitive to even the smallest sounds
and TENACIOUS!!! (Last year one broke into our house, chased and bit
the cat and freaked out the dog!)
I hadn’t given much thought to the possibility of a mini-ninja,
but you never know…..
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I WAS LULLED INTO COMPLACENCY AND LET MY GUARD DOWN…
PA-TOOH………………phhhtttt…..phhhttttt….
SORRY,,,,I had to crawl back under the bed and it’s full of dust bunnies…
I’m re-stocking as quickly as I can, but I risked my life to crawl over to the
computer…keeping my head down….to send you an urgent message…
I THINK IT WAS ALL A TRICK!!!!!
I THOUGHT the squirrels had returned to their daily lives and that it
had all been a misunderstanding….but this morning I awoke to the
sounds of teeny-tiny toenails clawing at my window….
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK…
they want more peanuts…
or so I thought…..
But I have spent the last hour observing them from a place of safety..
(in reality from under a pile of clothes)..
They seem to be even more organized than before…they have musicians,
and flag carriers, and valets, and squirrels selling popcorn to the warriors…
even a squirrel carrying around jars of nail polish, painting their toes red..
(that has got to be a bad sign).
Oooooooopppsssss……This is almost like the “hunger games”…I can see branches
suddenly dip low and spring high as the squirrels leap from tree to tree..ever
closer, ever closer….
I’ll try to get pictures….pray for me….I have to shove the dog and cat out from
under the bed so that I can wedge myself back under….I just need to grab
my Ipad, my phone, my rechargers, my camera, camera batteries, bunny slippers,
dental floss, my husband’s birthday chocolate..(hey, you snooze, you lose, if he
hasn’t eaten it by now and it’s just sitting on the counter, he must want me to eat
it, right?)…some capers and a flashlight, oh! And a flare gun……
To the batcave!
FIRST HE TRIED TO HYPNOTIZE ME…….
Luckily I have come to my senses and realized that the Squirrels, ninja and
non-ninja, are really not out to get me…it was all just one big misunderstanding.
Having said that, today I had a remarkable experience..I was hanging out of
my window into the woods, just having a look around when a little squirrel
approached.
I was unprepared when he called up to me and said, “Hey lady, do you
want to know the kind of day I’ve had?” Well you can imagine! It was a
feeling almost like the fellow who had the gorillas all over him!
( If you missed that video, you have NO idea what I’m talking about, but
it’s o.k.,,,I forgive you).
I was stunned beyond belief, STUNNED, I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For some reason I felt like “Christopher Robin” to the little Squirrel’s
“Winnie the Pooh”. I was all ears…..I said “tell me your tale, (not tail),
little Squirrel of the Woods.
With no hesitation the little guy chattered away furiously…..
I was minding my own business when one of the larger squirrels started
calling softly to me…..”You are getting sleepy…you are getting sleepy…
your eyes are getting heavier and heavier…”
Well it was beyond my control….I felt myself starting to fall into a light sleep…..
Right before I fell asleep I dragged myself up into the bird bath where I lay as if drugged….
After about five minutes I recovered and I gathered my immense Squirrel strength
and decided that I was NOT GOING TO BE ANOTHER VICTIM OF A SQUIRREL MUGGING!…..
I saw my enemy and impressed him first by leaping a tall building in a single bound…
I raced around the bird bath, up the tree limb and gave that sassy, smart- alecky Hypnotist Squirrel
a slap…..right in the “kisser”…..
Then I went home.
The little Squirrel of the Woods was out of breath and emotionally spent…so I gave him some
lemonade. There wasn’t much to say after that….he trotted off to the woods and I was left
hanging out of my window into the woods…wondering what had just happened.
Am I now the “Doctor Doolittle” of the woods?, able to talk to the animals, walk with the animals,
hang from the trees with the animals?….Hmmmmmmm… I’ll be back….I have a tree to climb.
HAVE REINFORCEMENTS ARRIVED???
GASP…….I remained hiding under the bed all weekend….keeping a sharp
eye out for any sign of troop movement on the part of the ninja squirrels…
so far…..they continue to ignore me and act as if nothing is happening….
supplies are dwindling and the “dust bunnies” under the bed are
starting to look really appetizing…
BUT THERE IS HOPE!!! THIS MAY ALL END PEACEFULLY!!
I think I have found the answer to ongoing peace in my little outdoor
community……I have found a creature BIGGER than the ninja squirrels
who, in a large group, could maintain order.
They arrived Friday night and we have been having training sessions
on a regular basis….I put out peanuts, corn and seeds, and they
come and eat them…..they are really good at this!!!!
I feel confident that Peace is at hand, and we can all go about our
daily lives, secure in the knowledge that happiness and harmony
have been restored….I am crawling out from under the bed, and
rejoining the living…..I feel like a frozen yogurt….( I don’t mean that
I actually feel like frozen yogurt…I feel like EATING frozen yogurt)..
I’m taking orders…so hurry up, I’m leaving in ten minutes!
NEWS FROM THE FRONT….
Reporting in…..this is Zannyro……I can’t talk long….
They seem to have Superhuman hearing..and besides, there’s
not much air here under the bed…..
I wanted to advise on the status of the war…….my observations today
were alarming….also my reports received from http://afrankangle.wordpress.com/2012/06/12/on-ninja-squirrel-training/
have caused me to heighten security…no one can be trusted…
except all of you.
OBSERVATION ….WHEN THEY THINK I’M NOT LOOKING….THEY ADVANCE….
SNEAKY
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OBSERVATION…..WHEN THEY FEEL MY TRAINED X-RAY EYES UPON THEM…..THEY PLAY DEAD
IF I LAY REALLY STILL…I’M INVISIBLE.
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OBSERVATION….THEY ARE TRAINING THEMSELVES TO WALK ON TWO LEGS….IF THEY SUCCEED, IT WILL BE HARD TO TELL THEM APART FROM HUMANS.
DON’T LOOK AT YOUR FEET…YOU’RE DOING GREAT.
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OBSERVATION…..I’M IN TROUBLE NOW…THEY’VE BROUGHT IN THE HEAVY ARTILLERY…
THIS CAN’T BE GOOD
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OBSERVATION….THIS NINJA BEAST HAS SUPERIOR UPPER BODY STRENGTH….I’M KNITTING A SUIT OF ARMOR OUT OF OLD TUNA CANS…
DIDN’T I SEE HIM IN THE OLYMPICS ONCE..IN GYMNASTICS?
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OBSERVATION…HE TRAINED HIS BEADY EYES ON MY….AND MY BLOOD RAN COLD !!!!!
EEEEEEEEEEKKK!
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ZANNYRO SIGNING OFF…….I HAVE TO GO DIG A HOLE IN THE GROUND AND CLIMB IN…
WARRIOR PRINCESS
Many, many years ago….the Indian Chiefs would have themselves photographed
in their war paint…feathered head-dresses and sometimes with their
faithful, fearless War Horse……
Here is my chosen Warrior ceremonial dress….this is my official Warrior portrait. The horse head is my Warrior Princess Head gear…
So it is written,….
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- THE PEANUTS ARE BAIT…THE AX IS FOR CHOPPING MY WAY OUT OF THIS CRAZY STORY-LINE….
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A fellow blogger…AFrankAngle has gotten behind this War of the Woods in a big way…you should check this out…
http://afrankangle.wordpress.com/2012/06/11/on-recruiting-fighting-squirrels/
RED ALERT!!! RED ALERT!!!!
HIDE UNDER YOUR BEDS !!!!!!
I’m sending this to you from my secret hideaway, under the bed, things
have reached a crisis and I am not yet in possession of my Superhero
outfit…..
Gather food, water, candles, chocolate, (what am I, a dope? Of course there
would be chocolate), magazines, shoelaces, chocolate milk, toothpaste,
a potato and dress shoes..!!!!!!!!!!!
Ten! I said Ten! warrior squirrels have gathered outside
my window into the woods!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I took this brief moment to warn you all to take precautions in case this
would spiral out of control and affect your beloved nations…..warn the
authorities….I have called a sheriff’s deputy and the head of our local
zoo. They seem unimpressed.
I’ll report back when all of my emergency preparations have been made
and I’ve had time to gather my supplies under the bed….wash my hair….
read a magazine and polished my toenails…
THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF……..
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HE’S PLOTTING AGAINST ME…
FREAKY FEET OF FURY.
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It’s official,,,the ninja squirrel is a super squirrel…
First I got a closer look at those feet,,not a very good shot..but hey!, I
was completely hypnotized by those freaky looking feet…NOT normal
looking for a squirrel! He could probably kick me in the head and leave
a crater the size of a bagel.
SUPER NINJA
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And then there is his ability to leap with immense POWER!! He jumped
right over the house….once he was airborne in the amazing leap you see here,
he sailed over the house, past the neighbor’s sheepdog and landed
on one of their horses….after animal control brought the terrified horse
down with a tranquilizer dart they had to shoot the neighbor lady with a
dart too. The squirrel had run up to her and pulled on her
mustache so hard that it had come off in his paw… which caused her excruciating pain.
Yes, you read that right, I said “her” mustache….
Once the horse was down, the neighbor woman was mercifully out cold and
I had stopped the mailman from drinking a fifth of scotch..(the squirrel
had run into his truck and presented the mailman with the neighbor
lady’s mustache), I gave my statement to the police.
The last I saw of the squirrel, he was driving the police car
and singing some kind of rude “rap” song. I believe he also flipped
a rude hand gesture my way. I am going to bed.
I WILL NOT DRINK ALCOHOL…I WILL NOT EAT CHOCOLATE…
I WILL SLEEP WITH THE LIGHT ON…
BUT TOMORROW…..I WILL DESIGN MY OWN SUPER HERO OUTFIT
AND THE BATTLE IS ON !!!!! NINJA SQUIRREL….PREPARE FOR BATTLE.
