Luckily I have come to my senses and realized that the Squirrels, ninja and
non-ninja, are really not out to get me…it was all just one big misunderstanding.
Having said that, today I had a remarkable experience..I was hanging out of
my window into the woods, just having a look around when a little squirrel
I was unprepared when he called up to me and said, “Hey lady, do you
want to know the kind of day I’ve had?” Well you can imagine! It was a
feeling almost like the fellow who had the gorillas all over him!
( If you missed that video, you have NO idea what I’m talking about, but
it’s o.k.,,,I forgive you).
I was stunned beyond belief, STUNNED, I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For some reason I felt like “Christopher Robin” to the little Squirrel’s
“Winnie the Pooh”. I was all ears…..I said “tell me your tale, (not tail),
little Squirrel of the Woods.
With no hesitation the little guy chattered away furiously…..
I was minding my own business when one of the larger squirrels started
calling softly to me…..”You are getting sleepy…you are getting sleepy…
your eyes are getting heavier and heavier…”
Right before I fell asleep I dragged myself up into the bird bath where I lay as if drugged….
After about five minutes I recovered and I gathered my immense Squirrel strength
and decided that I was NOT GOING TO BE ANOTHER VICTIM OF A SQUIRREL MUGGING!…..
I saw my enemy and impressed him first by leaping a tall building in a single bound…
I raced around the bird bath, up the tree limb and gave that sassy, smart- alecky Hypnotist Squirrel
a slap…..right in the “kisser”…..
Then I went home.
The little Squirrel of the Woods was out of breath and emotionally spent…so I gave him some
lemonade. There wasn’t much to say after that….he trotted off to the woods and I was left
hanging out of my window into the woods…wondering what had just happened.
Am I now the “Doctor Doolittle” of the woods?, able to talk to the animals, walk with the animals,
hang from the trees with the animals?….Hmmmmmmm… I’ll be back….I have a tree to climb.
HIDE UNDER YOUR BEDS !!!!!!
I’m sending this to you from my secret hideaway,
under the bed, things
have reached a crisis and I am not yet in possession of my Superhero
Gather food, water, candles, chocolate, (what am I, a dope? Of course there
would be chocolate), magazines, shoelaces, chocolate milk, toothpaste,
a potato and dress shoes..!!!!!!!!!!!
Ten! I said Ten! warrior squirrels have gathered outside
my window into the woods!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I took this brief moment to warn you all to take precautions in case this
would spiral out of control and affect your beloved nations…..warn the
authorities….I have called a sheriff’s deputy and the head of our local
zoo. They seem unimpressed.
I’ll report back when all of my emergency preparations have been made
and I’ve had time to gather my supplies under the bed….wash my hair….
read a magazine and polished my toenails…
THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF……..
It’s official,,,the ninja squirrel is a super squirrel…
First I got a closer look at those feet,,not a very good shot..but hey!, I
was completely hypnotized by those freaky looking feet…NOT normal
looking for a squirrel! He could probably kick me in the head and leave
a crater the size of a bagel.
And then there is his ability to leap with immense POWER!! He jumped
right over the house….once he was airborne in the amazing leap you see here,
he sailed over the house, past the neighbor’s sheepdog and landed
on one of their horses….after animal control brought the terrified horse
down with a tranquilizer dart they had to shoot the neighbor lady with a
dart too. The squirrel had run up to her and pulled on her
mustache so hard that it had come off in his paw… which caused her excruciating pain.
Yes, you read that right, I said “her” mustache….
Once the horse was down, the neighbor woman was mercifully out cold and
I had stopped the mailman from drinking a fifth of scotch..(the squirrel
had run into his truck and presented the mailman with the neighbor
lady’s mustache), I gave my statement to the police.
The last I saw of the squirrel, he was driving the police car
and singing some kind of rude “rap” song. I believe he also flipped
a rude hand gesture my way. I am going to bed.
I WILL NOT DRINK ALCOHOL…I WILL NOT EAT CHOCOLATE…
I WILL SLEEP WITH THE LIGHT ON…
BUT TOMORROW…..I WILL DESIGN MY OWN SUPER HERO OUTFIT
AND THE BATTLE IS ON !!!!! NINJA SQUIRREL….PREPARE FOR BATTLE.