MEETING FOR COFFEE?
I’m trying to figure out what was going on outside “the window”….
I’ve not seen the ninja squirrel in some time..so I have the feeling that I
can stay out from under the bed and resume normal life…
This gathering had me wondering …”Dash” the deer seemed to have
a lot to say, but the raccoons really didn’t care to listen. Gathering kernels
of dried corn is a demanding job, and if you’re going to get more than
the raccoon next to you, you have to be FOCUSED!
I was amazed that the baby raccoons jumped right in and knew just what to
do…there is no “learning curve” involved with eating. I wish I had a photo
to show you, but later they all formed a “conga-line” and danced through
the backyard…..I thought they only did that at weddings.
EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!
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HE’S PLOTTING AGAINST ME…
FREAKY FEET OF FURY.
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It’s official,,,the ninja squirrel is a super squirrel…
First I got a closer look at those feet,,not a very good shot..but hey!, I
was completely hypnotized by those freaky looking feet…NOT normal
looking for a squirrel! He could probably kick me in the head and leave
a crater the size of a bagel.
SUPER NINJA
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And then there is his ability to leap with immense POWER!! He jumped
right over the house….once he was airborne in the amazing leap you see here,
he sailed over the house, past the neighbor’s sheepdog and landed
on one of their horses….after animal control brought the terrified horse
down with a tranquilizer dart they had to shoot the neighbor lady with a
dart too. The squirrel had run up to her and pulled on her
mustache so hard that it had come off in his paw… which caused her excruciating pain.
Yes, you read that right, I said “her” mustache….
Once the horse was down, the neighbor woman was mercifully out cold and
I had stopped the mailman from drinking a fifth of scotch..(the squirrel
had run into his truck and presented the mailman with the neighbor
lady’s mustache), I gave my statement to the police.
The last I saw of the squirrel, he was driving the police car
and singing some kind of rude “rap” song. I believe he also flipped
a rude hand gesture my way. I am going to bed.
I WILL NOT DRINK ALCOHOL…I WILL NOT EAT CHOCOLATE…
I WILL SLEEP WITH THE LIGHT ON…
BUT TOMORROW…..I WILL DESIGN MY OWN SUPER HERO OUTFIT
AND THE BATTLE IS ON !!!!! NINJA SQUIRREL….PREPARE FOR BATTLE.
WATCHING ME, WATCHING YOU….
Do you ever get the feeling that someone is watching you?
I’ve had this feeling all day..I’ve been working in the yard most of the day,
and I’m sure that the blue jays were complaining to each other because
there were no peanuts yet.
But I don’t think it was the blue jays that I felt watching me, not really.
Oooops, there’s one now, looking in the window…anyway, where was I?
Whatever it was that was watching me felt “large”.
I was getting a “friendly” vibe,,so no alarm bells were going off ..
but I could just feel someone’s eyes boring into the back of my head…
and then there was the laughing…
I KNOW I heard laughing !
It wasn’t the usual kind of laughing, it sounded different….
I hate it when you feel like someone is laughing at you…granted I had on
a really ugly hat, a horrid looking long sleeved shirt and about a gallon of sweat poring
off of my face, but what’s unattractive about that?
Do you suppose they were laughing because I kept laying down behind the
lawnmower and saying…” I’m going to die”….
Could it have been that they were laughing watching me drag the shovel and broom
back to the garage after five hours of work, gasping for air and water and chocolate??
My face a lovely shade of purple?….
Could it have been when I put the broom away and realized that I had left the
door open and the dog had been in the garage for all of that time, trying to get
peanuts out from under the hood of my car?
Possibly they were laughing at me when I raced across the yard, swatting at my head
and cursing at the deer flies and horse flies that were trying to eat the top of my head for lunch.
No….I’m sure I was just imaging the staring and the laughing,,probably I’m dehydrated
and my brain is taking a trip down loony-lane.
NO ONE WAS STARING….
THERE IT IS AGAIN..SOMEONE IS STARING AT ME, I CAN FEEL IT!!
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- IT’S ALMOST AS IF “BOB” IS SOMEWHERE CLOSE BY.
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- NOW THERE! I HEARD IT AGAIN..SOMEONE IS LAUGHING AT ME!!!!
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TEN THINGS TO CONTEMPLATE WHILE KITE SURFING…
Had fun last week watching feats of “daring-do” on the high seas!
These kite surfers are amazing!! When I first saw them doing this, I thought they
were holding on to the kites with their bare hands….DUH….the kites would have
been gone in one second flat……this has to be the most amazing feeling!
Now I thought about how it would actually feel, and what my thoughts at that
moment would be, and here they are….
1. I AM GOING TO DIE….
2. DOES MY REAR END LOOK SMALLER WHEN I’M HIGHER OFF THE GROUND?
3. THIS HELMET IS GOING TO RUIN MY HAIR.
4. DID I FORGET TO FEED THE CAT THIS MORNING?
5. I WONDER HOW LONG IT WILL BE UNTIL THEY FIND MY BODY?
6. I JUST KNOW MY HUSBAND IS GOING TO REMARRY WITHIN SIX MONTHS.
7. DOES IT REALLY FEEL LIKE YOUR HITTING CONCRETE WHEN YOU HIT THE WATER AT HIGH SPEED?
8. WHILE THE PLASTIC SURGEON IS REPAIRING MY FACE, AFTER LANDING, I WONDER IF HE COULD DO
LIPOSUCTION ON MY THIGHS?
9. DARN……. I FORGOT TO USE THE BATHROOM BEFORE I LEFT THE HOUSE.
10. IF I JUST LET GO FOR ONE SECOND, I CAN REACH THAT CANDY BAR IN MY POCKET…
WHATEVER YOU DO TODAY, HAPPY LANDINGS!!!!
YOU SAIL YOUR WAY…AND I’LL SAIL MINE.
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O,K….NOW THIS IS TOO HIGH! TOO HIGH!! YOU MEAN IT GETS WORSE???
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TEN FISHY QUESTIONS.
This little guy was getting a fishing lesson…and he caught a nice one!! The best part of
watching this whole process was when he did ”catch and release”….however, we always
taught the kids to GENTLY place them back in the water…A woman who had also been
watching commented .. “well, now he’s gone and made the fish dizzy”.
IF FISH COULD FLY
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Now there’s something to ponder..
Do fish get dizzy?
Do they get headaches and feel the need to go lay down with a cool drink?
Do they use moisturizer because people are always saying…”ewwwww, your skin is really scaly”.
Do they ever choke on water and say, “That went down the wrong pipe”?
What do they do when they get the hiccups? ( We always gargle with water, then quickly bend over and swallow the water..presto!…no hiccups..)
Can they gargle?
How do they keep their teeth so clean?
Do they ask their friends, does this seaweed make my fin look fat?
If a group of fish is called a “school of fish”, how do they carry their text books?
Do fish get sunburns, and if they do, would you call it a “fish fry”?
These are the things that keep me up at night.
.
THE FAM…..
My husband and his family have been involved in the grocery business for a long time..
Maybe you’re just born that way………..That’s hubby in the middle…no lie..:)
PAPERBAGS…GOOD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT
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FEATHERS….I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT A PILLOW.
I’ve been watching my fine feathered friends again….they never cease to amaze me..
One thing I think we humans ought to be able to do is fly…under our own power..
Just imagine,,,no gasoline to buy, but then of course our food budget would go up,
all that flying would make us hungry…We’d be burning about 3000 calories
an hour.
Then of course there’d be no insurance to buy..well we might need SOME…
I mean there are collisions to consider…and speed limits to set …and we’d need air traffic
Officers?…… oh this is getting over-whelming!
On the “up-side” we could buy nifty flying outfits,,decorated with little feathers
and even feather covered helmets to protect our heads..ooooohhh, maybe
with some glitter and rhinestones..OH !,,,where was I? Oh Yes,,,
We could zip around to our hearts content…lots of “me” time…of course taking the
kids to school could be a problem..there’s only room for one passenger..
and how about teaching our kids to fly…would we have to find a ledge and push
them off ???? Just kidding….
And then there’s the nightmare of those who drink and “fly”….
And what about people who like music when they’re traveling, could we allow
them to sing? It would be like second hand cigarette smoke,,if they sound awful and
make us want to throw up, will there be a law for that?
And what if you’re flying RIGHT beside your husband and you say
“we’re lost” and he says, “no we’re not”…who can get the map out???
Our arms would be busy flapping…and there wouldn’t even be a gas station
to stop at….Sigh….Oh, well,,back to square one.
USE YOUR BRAKES !!!! USE YOUR BRAKES !!!!
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- I WANT A FLYING OUTFIT LIKE SHE’S WEARING..I
WONDER IF THEY HAVE IT IN MY SIZE..all rights reserved
- LEAN TO THE RIGHT! LEAN TO THE RIGHT!! OBVIOUSLY YOU’RE
NOT READY TO FLY ON YOUR OWN YET
- GET OFF MY “BUMPER” BUDDY!!!!! WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO FLY?
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SHIELD YOU EYES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!………..
I am warning you now…the image you are about to see, may shock you….
I am posting this for Lorna…. http://lornasvoice.wordpress.com/..;..I
have already fond a long lost sister,,heehee, through my blogging, and I
suspect Lorna may be another one…(Check out her blog on the Kentucky Derby)…
To prove that there may be a genetic connection, although in my case,,it’s
GENETICS GONE WILD…..I am posting this image of myself.
I am the one in the “sparkly” outfit.
We used to give a HUGE halloween party and I would sit in my giant “spangly”
pumpkin. I would have a gift for all, one year someone received a mannequin leg.
(Try sweating it out in an airline terminal, waiting to see if security comes looking for you).
I had to bring it back all the way from Florida, now didn’t I?
When given my shouted command…all of my guests/prisoners would have to quickly put
on their provided masks…I didn’t want to put anybody’s eye out when I hurled fistfuls of
candy at them.
So without further ado……
OH YES I DID!!
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