NO MIRROR, MIRROR FOR ME…..
Nope, no “mirror, mirror” for me…give me a crystal ball to peer into any day!! My story is going to ramble,,so buckle your seat belts…. I’ve given this following the dream business a lot of thought,,,and while I was thinking, I realized that there is a place I have already gone with this dream business……I have this feeling that I may have looked right past my true calling….BEING AN ENTERTAINER!!! TUT-TUT-TAH-DA!! I must revisit some experiences from the past…some of you will be familiar with this…some will not….some will wish they were familiar with this.. some will DEFINITELY be glad they are not familiar with this… I needed to pick a Holiday…Holidays are good for entertaining…..not Easter.. no bunny costume for me, I’m a liberated woman after all……. Halloween! There’s a holiday for you!…
Candy, costumes, lights….oooooooooohhhhhhhhh…. Now be warned ahead of time…there are no monkeys, no raccoons, no squirrels and no horses in this story……well, perhaps a horse…. I needed a proper setting for my “Act”….I decided that FIRST I would sew a GIANT pumpkin tent that I could sit in…how hard could that be? I didn’t own a sewing machine, or even sew very well…BUT I KNEW I COULD DO IT!!!!!!! Well…I DID do it, but the pumpkin tent seemed kind of tame after awhile….not enough DAZZLE- FRAZHINGA going on….so I collected up HUGE amounts of sequined fabric..Rose colored, shimmery silver colored, and soft pink colored sequined fabric…inside and outside, the walls would shimmer….TOTAL DAZZLE-FRAZHINGA going on!!!! After a great deal of experimentation, I have found that eating huge amounts of “milk-dud” candy makes the sewing just FLY by….before you know it, you’ve sewn everything together…unfortunately, I sewed the back to the front and one side to the other side, so there was no way to use it..there was no way to open it, therefore no way to get in it….WHAT TO DO?? MORE MILK-DUD CANDYS!! Before I knew it, I had everything sorted out.. (and I felt kind of sick)…..but onward I had to go….THE SHOW MUST GO ON!!!
Now I didn’t want to sit there in the dark did I ?? I mean, how would the the walls glimmer and shimmer?? To solve this problem I first threw a large handful of Milk Dud’s down my throat and got to work.. I attached a huge amount of Christmas lights to the inside of the “roof” of the pumpkin. OH THE BEAUTY, THE BLINDING BEAUTY!!! I now had a fabulous setting in which to showcase our star! ME!
What to do next? MUSIC!!! Every entertainer has an opening act, don’t they?? I searched until I could find some really crazy music that I could play on my little portable music thingy….It would be fabulous, I would sit in the dark, in the tent, wait for the right moment and “WAMMO”!!!!!….Hit the audience with the wild and crazy music.. really wow them with my intro, you know…Actually, Wilson Pickett’s “Night of a Thousand Dances” blew their socks off……but I digress…as soon as the music ended, the front panels would be pulled back, I would flip the switch on the lights and there would be MAGIC!!!!! What magic you ask? Well MYSELF….and my FABULOUSLY costumed audience, interacting together, We would make magic!
But before any of this could take place….I needed to create a costume…….But what should my costume be??
THINK, THINK!, I told myself….where did you hide that candy bar??..,OH!, right, the costume….I decided upon what else?,….. a FABULOUS sequined gown…now in reality this gown consisted of a large piece of sequined fabric with a hole for my head cut into it..and some uneven sleeves that I somehow managed to sew into “The Gown”. I decided that this get-up was lacking DRAMA, so I purchased a gorgeous blond wig….(which I still wear out to dinner when I feel like assuming my alter ego…super spy..”flame”). The costume was still lacking something so I added a “turban” covered in GIANT sequins!!! I had to sew the turban to the wig in order to make it stay on. I then glued tons of big shiny rhinestones onto an old necklace, put on 14 fake “diamond” rings….and enough make-up to qualify for clown school. I was GORGEOUS, FABULOUS …….I was, in a word……frightening.
The evening arrived…my career as an entertainer was officially launched..the guests were ready for a show….I had to admire their enthusiasm…..their choice of costumes left me breathless…..there WAS a horse at the party…..one couple staggered in, in a horse costume…..in my opinion, using the husband as the horse’s rear end was the obvious choice…..he LIVED the part.
I neglected to mention earlier that I had a suitcase full of candy in the tent with me….I also had gifts for everyone in attendance……and so the show began…
The candy came in handy….when the crowd got fidgety, I just pelted them with handfuls of mini chocolate bars, Milk Duds, etc. I had only a few complaints from people who were hit in the head with flying tootsie rolls…..and those who had chocolate kisses land in their drinks, were only slightly annoyed….
It was like Christmas! Oh the JOY! Oh the WONDER! Oh the MAYHEM!! Things were going so well..the woman dressed as a box of cereal, (you know who you are) LOVED the mannequin leg I gave her…..the guy wearing the toupee was OVER-JOYED with the plaster of Paris replica of my foot! And the gal who came as Marilyn Monroe FELL IN LOVE with the flying pig I gave her…..she didn’t even mind when I asked her to leave…..well I had to didn’t I ? She was distracting my audience….standing over the heat vent in the floor and letting her dress blow up over her head while singing “Happy Birthday Mr. president” is just bound to distract an audience.
Things were going really well until I gave one divine man his gift…..well, as with everyone else, I made him come forward to claim his gift…..I was not prepared for what happened next…he bent and kissed my hand! Now you might think that I would have “swooned” from the thrill of it all…but NO! Not I! I was so surprised that I rolled over backward, feet flying up in the air!! (luckily it was a long gown)…when I regained my dignity, and was again sitting upright I made a discovery….my turban and my wig had become entangled in the bright sparkly Christmas lights…so much for regaining my dignity….It took a strong man in a “haz-mat” suit, a chick dressed as Batgirl and the Phantom of the Opera to free me from the clutches of the “roof” of the pumpkin….all in all, a very rewarding career choice….And all of this REALLY happened.
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PULL BACK THE CURTAINS!!!!!!!!
WHAT DID YOU GET??
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CANDY ON THE HEAD FOR MR. OBNOXIOUS
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HERSELF
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(Here you go Mom)
Had it not been for the pictures, I would have suspected that this was written after the intake of rather dangerous substances …
August 16, 2012 at 8:20 pm
Where’s the trust??
August 16, 2012 at 9:15 pm
sorry dear my comment accidently gone… You are amazing dear Suzanne, what a great fun, made me laugh too… Thank you, love, nia
August 15, 2012 at 7:47 am
YaY!! It’s a good day when I make you laugh
August 15, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Y
August 15, 2012 at 7:46 am
WHAT…???? If I didn’t see the photographic evidence I would have said you made all this up…. What a life you live… I’m at a loss for words… no wait they’re coming back… no they aren’t…. you are mad, and your poor husband… “the rear of the horse” could you not have given him a part in the pumpkin..? tossing chocolates or feeding you or something more dignified… a laugh a minute you are, …. (total loss for words)
August 15, 2012 at 6:14 am
Thank you Rob! LOL! You know the old expression “write what you know”…..
Husband wasn’t the rear of the horse,,that was another poor soul, who came to the
party…and I left out the part about the guest who’s son dropped him off, took off in
their truck and drove over our guests foot as he left….It’s a proud day when I leave you unable to speak!
August 15, 2012 at 12:46 pm
well with this one you got it right I was at a total loss… I can’t imagine being invited to a party like that… for you to appear out a pumpkin… I’ve heard of cakes but pumpkins… and your description of what happened would have had me heading home… I would have wet my pants.. I nearly did just reading the bloody article, hell if I’d been there it would have been over for me… literally died of laughter… Imagine the headlines “South African dies at pumpkin party, dehydrated from peeing his pants…”
August 15, 2012 at 12:53 pm
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! I may have to print your comment out and hang it in my studio….in fact, I think I’m going to! Sigh….if we were all closer…there would be one heck of a pumpkin party….:)
August 15, 2012 at 12:56 pm
and what a party it would be…
August 15, 2012 at 1:06 pm
You’ve gone and done it again … rendered me speechless. HaHaHaHa!
August 15, 2012 at 3:27 am
I’m SO glad!! Lolololol!
August 15, 2012 at 3:36 am
There is definitely only one YOU!!!!!
August 15, 2012 at 1:03 am
Awwwwwww.that is SO sweet of you
August 15, 2012 at 1:27 am
Need an assistant next Halloween? I’m volunteering!
(Just don’t make me dress up as a squirrel — that costume’s so hot. And promise me that I get to wear sequins or gems.)
August 15, 2012 at 12:47 am
Oooooooooohhh!! Now you’ve got me THINKING!!…that’s always dangerous
August 15, 2012 at 1:28 am
There’s something so darned fun about dressing up in costume. Whether it brings us back to our youth and playing “dress up” or it coaxes out our alter ego(s), we can just let loose and be free. This was great!
August 14, 2012 at 11:28 pm
Thanks Lorna! I think that’s what I loved the most about doing these parties, people were like little kids about choosing their costumes…they’d have their next year’s costumer picked out before we had finished that evening’s party!
August 15, 2012 at 1:30 am
I’m actually quite surprised!! I would have bet money that you would have dressed up as a chocolate bar or a chocolate cake or chocolate cookies or chocolate fudge or chocolate icecream or chocolate pie or chocolate pudding or…….
August 14, 2012 at 9:35 pm
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! See?…just goes to show that you never really know a person!
August 14, 2012 at 9:51 pm
That looks like so much fun. A lot of work, but fun. It is amazing what a few Milk Duds can bring out in a person.
August 14, 2012 at 9:29 pm
It’s almost SCARY what it can bring out in a person!
August 14, 2012 at 9:52 pm
Hehehe. You’re definitely a girl who just wants to have fun, Suzanne.
August 14, 2012 at 8:22 pm
I’m afraid I’m just a child at heart
August 14, 2012 at 9:52 pm
That’s just perfect, Suzanne.
August 15, 2012 at 7:41 pm
What can I say…nothing but “What a girl!”
August 14, 2012 at 8:07 pm
Hahahahahahaha! You made my day!
August 14, 2012 at 8:31 pm
Wonderful!!! Can’t wait to hear about your next performance!
Just one thing – you wrote “regain your dignity” as if there were dignity involved.
Was that a typo?
August 14, 2012 at 7:18 pm
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! You made me gasp at your impertinence…..I DID have dignity….once….
August 14, 2012 at 7:27 pm
I’m giggling so much my kids have come to investigate.
Darn you, both Little Mr and Kiwi Daughter now want a tent like yours and can I sew them one please (Little Mr was REALLY patient (not!) patted me on the knee and said “I love you Mama (hmm … turning on the charm…. methinks he wants something) ….You can make by Thursday Mama because (name of friends) are coming to play and they would looooove this too!”
No small or easy request then, that figures LOL!
Um, small inconvenience of needing to go to work and physio doesn’t register with him, clearly Mama’s don’t need mundane things like sleep.
Did your crystal ball tell you at any point how I can wriggle neatly out of two children’s expectations that are growing rapidly as they add ideas to “my little project?”
I clicked “like” on this post but considering the consequences I’m thinking of reconsidering that move
August 14, 2012 at 7:13 pm
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!
…..I’ve actually had guests crawl into the tent when I’m done with my “performance”..
OH NO!!
I KNOW you can do it by Thursday….good luck LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL…I have NO IDEA how to help you!
August 14, 2012 at 7:26 pm
I have a cramp in my face from laughing.
August 14, 2012 at 7:09 pm
Now you just gave me one
August 14, 2012 at 7:10 pm