WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THIS BEFORE??…
Looking back on the “dreams” that I have pursued lately, I have realized why they were so spectacularly disappointing. I should have been focusing on something that I had a passion for….Am I passionate about Trapeze? No…but I could be. Am I passionate about stunt plane flying and wing-walking?..NO!! AND I NEVER WILL BE!! Do I have a passion for gold? Hmmmmmmmmm..don’t rush me, I’m thinking! What AM I passionate about? Those of you who know me well, will not be surprised…those of you who don’t know me well…..are lucky.
I have a passion for chocolate, for childish treats of the candy variety..
NEVER was there such a passion!
Forget Cleopatra and Mark Antony..
Forget Queen Elizabeth Taylor and Sir Richard Burton..
Forget Kim Kardashian and Herself…
THIS! THIS IS A PASSION!! I decided to pursue this passion, KNOWING that only success awaited me. I applied for a job at a candy factory and while awaiting the results, I went shopping for a fabulous candy ensemble. Did you know that this apparel is available? It is, but it’s HARDLY the type of fashion statement that my fans expect from me…I needed something Red Carpet worthy…something that would dazzle the world when the paparazzi flashed my picture across the world… something….SPARKLY!
Having decided upon my “look”, I jumped into my Jumbo jet and flew one block to the “FABULOUS AND I KNOW IT” store. The first thing I saw when I blasted through the front door was an amazing Chef’s hat, bedecked with shimmering lips, yes, you read me right…I said LIPS…”SOLD” I shouted!
Tucked just behind the Chef’s hat was a dress of incredible beauty…SEQUINS, SEQUINS EVERYWHERE!! Sewn onto the dress in an explosive swirling pattern, it was impossible to resist..adding to the mind-blowing beauty of this dress was the presence of Large pockets covering the dress…yes, you read me right, LARGE POCKETS….”SOLD! I shouted!
All that was needed for my outfit to be complete, was footwear. What I needed was at that very moment being worn by the shop owner….absolutely, hands-down the most amazing pair of rain boots I’ve ever seen..bright, bright yellow with BIG orange polka dots…….just like a Swiss Army knife, I could push a button and out from the sides of the boots would pop little tiny shovels…yes,you read me right….I said TINY SHOVELS….”SOLD”! I shouted!
Upon flying my Jumbo jet back down the block with all of my purchases, I received wonderful news!….I GOT THE JOB!!
On my first day of work, I arrived, pulse pounding, to begin “living the dream”. My job, as you may have guessed, was to work on “the line”…..wrapping candy, all the while keeping up with the conveyor belt..shades of ”I LOVE LUCY”. How many times had I seen that episode? Due to my many viewings of Lucy in a panic, I had learned…I was prepared………there would be no panic for me…The best part of the job was that we were told that we could eat all of the candy that we wanted…the perfect job.
Before I knew it,,,the job began…the conveyor belt came moving along, with “kisses” to wrap…ooooooohhh…..My mouth watered….this is where the hat with all of the lips on it proved to be useful….I could continue wrapping and every few moments toss a handful of “kisses” up to the hat…the lips would open, in would pop the tiny chocolates….mmmmmmm…HEAVEN!! I had done well, all of the little kisses were wrapped and it was time for the next candy treat to be wrapped….
Next to be wrapped were little bags of Candy Corn…the goal was to gather up the little bags and pack them into a large bag. Twenty-four little bags per large bag….Just as I had suspected, this time round, they sped up the conveyor belt…did I panic? NO! I was prepared…this is where the large pockets all over my dress proved to be useful…the moment the line went zipping by, I clapped my hands and in each pocket a squirrel popped up! They were remarkable, they knew what they were to do and their little flying, furry paws snatched up the little bags and in a twinkling they were stuffed into a large bag. WAS I PROUD?? I WAS PROUD!! Two products successfully handled! What would come next? Next came chocolate covered peanuts….all I had to do was to scoop the piles of peanuts into a small can, snap the lid on and “Presto-Change-O”….onto the next pile of chocolate peanuts…
I was ready!! How could anything be easier? As I began to scoop up the peanuts, I became aware of a disturbance in my large pockets…they were moving around in a fury! It was like watching five cats in a bag having a fist-fight!! I looked in alarm to discover that there were “stow-aways” on board!! The monkeys had somehow managed to snuggle deep down into the large pockets when I wasn’t looking as I dressed for work….they were now trying to shove the squirrels up and out of the pockets so that they could get to the conveyor belt and the chocolate covered peanuts!! The squirrels were FURIOUS!! They began pelting the monkeys with the little bags of Candy Corn that they had hidden away in the pockets….did the monkeys care? NO THEY DID NOT!! They fought their way to the conveyor belt….peanuts were flying, corn was whizzing past my ears and a mixture of both was embedded in my hair!…..The squirrels were ENRAGED at the mistreatment of the peanuts and corn and they leapt onto the conveyor belt….squirrels and monkeys were rolling everywhere, locked in battle. Who knew how this was going to end??? I DID!!…I had seen an emergency hose secured to the wall, I grabbed the hose, flipped the switch and showered them with liquid chocolate…..This is where the boots and little shovels proved to be useful…
With the boots keeping my feet dry and the tiny shovels digging wildly, I was easily able to clear a path through the peanuts, corn, liquid chocolate and “unmentionable debris” that had been added to the mix when the squirrels and monkeys got “hosed”….
Another dream….down the drain.
Hilarious!
August 6, 2012 at 9:38 pm
LOL!! Thanks!! This was a direct result of CHOCOLATE!!
August 6, 2012 at 9:40 pm
Next adventure a la Lucy and Ethel: wine making. Remember that episode? Too funny you Funny Girl!
August 6, 2012 at 5:46 pm
LOL!! Ohhhhhhhhh..you don’t want to know what happens when I drink in real life!
August 6, 2012 at 7:40 pm
Oh yes I do!
August 6, 2012 at 7:41 pm
I “may” post it…I’m cringing as I write this….it’s not all that bad…I’m a quick learner, it never happened again.
August 6, 2012 at 8:11 pm
Hey, it can’t be that bad–at least you remember it!
August 6, 2012 at 9:16 pm
Well that’s true!!
August 6, 2012 at 9:18 pm
While I applaud and admire your unflinching search for your passion, it seems that one of the thread throughout all your options has been…well…unmentionalble debris…
Just sayin…
August 6, 2012 at 5:37 am
Yes,,,sadly you are correct in your observation…on the advice of my daughter I shall be looking for a new “thread”.
August 6, 2012 at 1:57 pm
My mind’s eye is now all over the place…I have inserted monkeys and squirrels into another Lucy and Ethel escapade! You have one very WILD imagination…I’m not sure it’s good for you! LOL! Debra
August 6, 2012 at 1:40 am
LOL! It’s o.k., so far my imagination hasn’t done me any harm
August 6, 2012 at 2:59 am
Once again I am rendered speechless and can’t stop laughing!
August 5, 2012 at 5:42 pm
Hahahahahahaha! YAY!! SUCCESS!!
August 5, 2012 at 6:08 pm
I had a hard time getting past the image of Lucy at the conveyor belt in that old episode! But if I ever thought SHE had a tough job – YOU had a much more difficult time considering the “animal interference” you faced! Bravely you soldiered on but alas it was not meant to be………time for another dream – perhaps one with fewer animals and less chocolate goo????
Pam (and Sam)
August 5, 2012 at 11:19 am
I think you’re right…I need to extricate myself from these pesky animals!!
August 5, 2012 at 6:08 pm
Now I thought you would be able to eat fast enough to keep up with the conveyor… I would be able to… I would not last a day in a chocO factory… they’d fire me for lack of profits… love where you go with these DREAMS, but a ChcO factory!!!! you’ve a reputation to keep.. they wouldn’t allow you near the place…
August 5, 2012 at 6:12 am
You’re probably right about them not letting me near the place………I think I have the title for another blog…my husband walked in this morning…and this is totally true…walked through the kitchen and into the living room and said…’ I didn’t think you were up yet, but then I smelled Syrup…………..what does this SAY about me???
August 5, 2012 at 6:11 pm
That he thought you’re sweet..? he was probably paying you a complement and like all women…you’ve taken it the wrong way…
August 5, 2012 at 6:17 pm
LOL!!! I don’t think that he meant I was sweet LOL!!
He just knew that the minute I was up,,I head straight for breakfast..
August 5, 2012 at 10:03 pm
I knew it! You’re nuts! Chocolate-covered and sweet. I’m going to need a “side transplant” soon if I keep reading your blogs. Thanks for the entertainment. (My cheeks have smile-cramps too.)
August 4, 2012 at 10:18 pm
LOL!! Glad I’m inflicting so much “pain”
August 5, 2012 at 12:39 am
Good thing that you left the raccoons out of this one!
August 4, 2012 at 9:34 pm
They would have been more than I could handle!
August 5, 2012 at 12:40 am
Love how you broke up the fight! I want a chocolate hose.
August 4, 2012 at 9:28 pm
I’m glad that you approve of my handling of the situation! I want a chocolate hose to!! Or maybe one
Of those thingy’s you use while biking!
August 5, 2012 at 12:44 am
Poor Suzanne! It’s a sweet tale, though.
August 4, 2012 at 9:23 pm
LOL! Thanks!
August 5, 2012 at 12:45 am
I loved the chocolate bits, but then things got seriously nutty…
August 4, 2012 at 9:14 pm
LOL!!! LOL!!!
August 4, 2012 at 9:18 pm