CIRCUS CAMP…
Drat…It all happened so fast!! I found out that they had added an actual circus camp to the trapeze school that traumatized me not so long ago. I had no choice..you know me…. I signed up immediately…..In preparation for my entrance to the afore-mentioned circus camp…I went shopping…There is nothing that I love more than spending five hours in a trapeeze apparel store..trying on fabulous outfits..as before, with the help of five to ten shop assistants using crowbars and honey, they slipped me into and out of some really jazzy outfits….afterward they only had to call two ambulances to provide resuscitation for these hardworking, horrified, assistants…… Most of the assistants only required psychiatric evaluation.
But enough about them…I decided that the flaming red number with red rhinestones covering every inch of it , was the number for me…I mean….how could they not give me the best jobs in the circus when I was dressed in the most fabulous outfit ever seen….well, at least in MY mirror anyway….
I spent my first hour of class searching everywhere for the horses that I was sure they were hiding somewhere..even though those pesky instructors kept insisting that I was TOO LARGE and TOO OLD for the camp, I forged ahead in following my dream…I had made up my mind that I would be the headline act and make my grand entrance at the opening of the circus, balanced on my head on the back of a horse as it galloped around and around the circus ring….I would balance a squirrel, dressed in a matching outfit, on one foot and a raccoon with glitter around it’s eyes, on the other foot, amazingly, they actually allowed me to be the opening act..(.Apparently the owners of the circus camp are big chocolate lovers and they accepted my bribe)….
The big night arrived…..the lights turned down low, the spotlight was on ME!! I “THOUGHT” it would be fabulous, what I hadn’t counted on was the high pitched screaming that the squirrel, the horse, the raccoon and myself began doing, the moment we entered the ring ….the monkeys of the circus were angry that they didn’t have sparkly little leotards to wear and so they decided to fling their, well, UNMENTIONABLE, debris at us….hence the screaming..The audience was screaming, (some of the monkeys didn’t have very good aim, and there were some civilian casualties)…and the director of the camp was screaming….something about me leaving and taking my flea-bag friends with me.
I must give up my dream …….those people just don’t appreciate a true artist.
Well! Dumbasses! They simply don’t know real talent even when the monkey poo hits the fan! Assholes!
August 1, 2012 at 12:50 pm
Now don ‘t hold back….tell me how you really feel!
August 1, 2012 at 1:55 pm
From your opening dressout in the shop and the shop assistants’ meltdown to the final indignities of an unappreciative crowd and ringmaster … Bravo! Keep on dreaming big. Loved your post.
July 31, 2012 at 1:41 pm
LOL!! So glad that you came by and that you enjoyed the silliness!!
July 31, 2012 at 5:42 pm
Well at least you tried your best, Suzanne. I’d love a photo of you in that devilish, rhine-stoned number, but I already have one in my head.
July 31, 2012 at 1:01 pm
Much better that it’s in your head..the reality might be too much for you
July 31, 2012 at 5:43 pm
I will take the high ride and just smile and laugh.
July 31, 2012 at 12:06 pm
Now that’s right kind of you Frank
July 31, 2012 at 5:44 pm
Well you know, real artists usually suffer for their work……..sounds to me like there was some suffering going on starting with wedging into the outfit and ending with the flinging of “debris” in all directions. There’s only so much SUFFERING a body can take though so giving up the dream seems like the way to go…..and certainly the SAFEST way to go!
Pam (and Sam)
July 31, 2012 at 11:01 am
Yes, I’m all for chasing the dream…but when there’s flying debris involved…..
It’s time for a new dream
July 31, 2012 at 5:46 pm
What can I say… the images flashing through my mind… on your head with animals balanced on your feet… monkeys throwing humpies… do you smoke special cigarettes???
that one buys quietly on the corner… ??? you don’t use a lot of glue do you..???? Ahhh, how were the red rhinestones attached to the outfit,… glue???
A sequence of photos showing the performance would make a best selling book… love this blog… will have to buy a ticket to the USA just to see this show…
July 31, 2012 at 7:17 am
No Rob…I don’t smoke “funny cigarettes”…you know me, it’s sugar all the way.
If you’re buying a ticket to the U.S., I’d better up my rehearsals to three a day,,
And hire a body double.
July 31, 2012 at 5:49 pm
Well, you keep dreaming big! And then tell me what it is you eat before you go to bed…your dreams are much more colorful than mine!
Debra
July 31, 2012 at 6:33 am
LOL! Hmmmmmm, lately before bed, I’ve been eating gum drops…hmmmmmm
July 31, 2012 at 5:50 pm
Now that’s funny! I can just see you actually attempting the circus act.
July 31, 2012 at 5:34 am
Strangely, so can I ! LOL!!
July 31, 2012 at 5:51 pm
I could just picture you on your head on Bob’s back with the Ninja on one foot and a masked bandit on the other. And that outfit! Wow! I haven’t been to the circus for a long time but I’d pay to see this show. Maybe the screeching young bluejay should fly on ahead announcing your entrance. He could rest now and then on Dash who is also out front and might have grown antlers by this time….Need those for a bluejay perch.
July 31, 2012 at 4:36 am
I must talk with Dash and the blue jay…I’m loving your ideas!!
July 31, 2012 at 5:52 pm
The circus will never be the same. Keep wearing the red bling. Virginia
July 31, 2012 at 3:12 am
That’s me…changing the world…one circus at a time
Suzanne
July 31, 2012 at 5:52 pm
If you tell me where there is a store dedicated to trapeze apparel, I will cover your fees for the trapeze school downtown.
But only if they have monkey-debris-proof spandex onesies in my size.
July 31, 2012 at 2:41 am
Oooooooohh, I’m SO excited!!! You’re going to pay for my lessons….NOT!
There IS a store…www.cafepress.com/trapeze1
You’re off the hook BECAUSE, there are NO monkey-debris-proof spandex onesies
In your size…..:(
July 31, 2012 at 10:56 pm