A PERSONAL INVITATION…

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LOOK!!  I HAD MY HOST AND HOSTESS SEND DOWN ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE COOL SUNBEAMS…ANY OF YOU THAT WOULD LIKE TO JOIN ME ON THE SPACE SHIP, CAN JUST DO A LITTLE HAPPY DANCE IN THE SUNBEAMS AND THEY’LL BE HAPPY TO TRANSPORT YOU HERE.  THE TESTING IS DUE TO START IN FIVE MINUTES, SO YOU NEED TO HURRY. THEY’RE SO NICE…THEY GAVE ME A LITTLE SNACK TO “MAKE ME HAPPY” BEFORE THE TESTING…TASTED LIKE CHICKEN.

 

 

WAKING UP THE WOODS…

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YESTERDAY IT SEEMED LIKE THE SUN COULDN’T WAIT TO SMILE ON EVERYONE….

NOW THIS IS WHERE I GO OFF ON ONE OF MY CRAZY LITTLE FLIGHTS OF FANCY…THOSE BEAMS KEPT DRAWING ME CLOSER AND CLOSER, BUT WHEN I GOT TOO CLOSE THEY DISAPPEARED. WHEN I BACKED AWAY, THERE THEY WERE AGAIN, TA-DA!

I DIDN’T GIVE UP…I APPROACHED THOSE BEAMS THAT LOOKED SO WARM AND INVITING, AND I WAS SUCKED UP INTO A SPACE SHIP!   I’M WRITING TO YOU THIS VERY MOMENT FROM MY LUXURIOUS GUEST ROOM. I’M A LITTLE NERVOUS THOUGH… A MEDICAL GOWN THINGY JUST DROPPED OUT OF THE CEILING AND SOME STRANGE LITTLE VOICE TOLD ME TO PUT IT ON…AND THEN IT TOLD ME THAT MY TESTING WOULD BEGIN SOON. WHY WOULD I HAVE TO WEAR A GOWN TO TAKE A MATH TEST?

YOU SAW WHAT IN THE BACKYARD???????????????

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THIS, MY DEAR FRIENDS, IS WHAT YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE IN YOUR BACKYARD…YES….A MOUNTAIN LION….CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING FROM WHERE YOU ARE?  

THIS BACKYARD IS ONLY ABOUT FOUR  MILES FROM MY BACKYARD.

THERE HAVE BEEN RUMORS OVER THE YEARS OF A MOUNTAIN LION IN OUR AREA…WE ARE IN THE MID-WEST…NOT THE WILD WEST…WE DON’THAVE MOUNTAINS AND BIG ROCK PERCHES FOR MOUNTAIN LIONS TO..WELL..PERCH ON. THIS BEING THE CASE, I DON’T KNOW WHY THEY WOULD LIKE LIVING HERE.

THIS PAST SATURDAY,ROCK PERCHES OR NO ROCK PERCHES… PROOF FINALLY EXISTS THAT THIS CAT IS LIVING AMONG US….EEEEYYYYAAAHHHHHH!!!!

NO WAY IS THIS A COYOTE…THEY DON’T HAVE TAILS LIKE THIS, THEY DON’T HAVE A HEAD SHAPED LIKE THIS.

THIS WAS TAKEN AT 1:30 PM….BY PEOPLE THAT I KNOW….THEY WERE VISITING WITH THEIR NEIGHBORS, SITTING ON THE PATIO…….  SITTING ON THE PATIO…….NOW SEE, THAT’S WHERE I’M VERY DIFFERENT FROM THESE FOLKS….I WOULD BE FREAKING OUT ON THE PATIO!!

AFTER THAT…WELL, I MIGHT BE DRINKING IN MY CLOSET.

LOOK AT HOW BIG THAT ANIMAL IS…EVEN AT SUCH A DISTANCE IT’S OBVIOUS THAT IT’S LARGE…..LARGE!……I WOULD NOW LIKE AN EXTREMELY LARGE CHOCOLATE BAR TO HELP WITH MY ANXIETY….

NOW HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WALK MY DOG…WE’RE GOING TO NEED SOME SORT OF PROTECTION….TWO YEARS AGO, I AM FAIRLY CERTAIN THAT I SAW THIS CAT BESIDE MY GARAGE AT THE EDGE OF THE WOODS.

I WENT TO THE LOCAL SPORTING GOODS STORE TO FIND SOME PROTECTION, BUT THEY DON’T SELL BEAR SPRAY…THEY HAD A BIG MACHETE TYPE THING, BUT I’D PROBABLY END UP CUTTING MY LEG OFF.

HERE’S A CLOSE UP FOR YOUR SCRUTINY…NOT A GREAT SHOT…BUT I’M ASSUMING THIS WAS TAKEN WITH A CELL PHONE.

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NOW PLEASE EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO FIND A ROCK TO PERCH ON IN MY CLOSET….ALONG WITH A LIQUID BEVERAGE…I HAVE SOME MORE SCREAMING TO DO.

GIVE ME YOUR LUNCH MONEY…

 

 

 

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YES…I WOULD GIVE MY LUNCH MONEY TO THIS ANIMAL IF IT ASKED FOR IT.

YOU NEVER KNOW, MAYBE HE FORGOT TO PACK A LUNCH…OR MAYBE HE DOESN’T LIKE THE CHEESE SANDWICH HIS MOM PACKED FOR HIM AND HE WANTS TO BUY SOMETHING ELSE TO EAT.

MAYBE HE LIKES HIS LUNCH, BUT NEEDS TO BUY A SOFT DRINK, OR MAYBE AN ENERGY DRINK.

HE COULD NEED TO BUY SOME CHEWING GUM, OR BREATH MINTS…(THEIR BREATH IS NOT EXACTLY FRESH AS A DAISY.)

MAYBE HE WOULD NEED MY LUNCH MONEY SO THAT HE COULD AFFORD TO RIDE THE BUS HOME WHEN HE’S DONE DOING WHATEVER IT IS THAT TIGERS DO ALL DAY. 

MAYBE HE WOULD USE THE MONEY TO BUY SOME MUSIC FROM ITUNES TO PLAY ON HIS IPOD.

I’LL NEVER KNOW WHAT HE WOULD USE THE MONEY FOR…IF HE ASKED FOR MY LUNCH MONEY, I WOULD JUST THROW IT AT HIM AND RUN AWAY.